child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

worth it

The depression has been dark.  Hubby has been kind.  Yesterday was one in a series of days that he took care of me both physically and emotionally.  In the quiet darkness of our bedroom, I lean into his arms.  I whisper thank you for taking care of me today.  He brushes hair from my face, leans into my ear and whispers back the last words I heard before sleep came, "You're worth taking care of."
Words he repeated again by mornings light, just to make sure that I had heard them.  I shake my head, I don't understand.  But I am grateful that he does.  I'm worth the effort, even though sometimes it is great. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I'm a guest blogger, I'm no longer MIA and I'm hanging in there

I have been reminded that it has been a while since I have updated.  Now that Hubby works from home and I go to out to work, writing has been something I unintentionally shift to a back burner.  My preference is to write with a quiet, preferably empty but I'll take sleeping as well, house.  I go to bed before Hubby now that he doesn't need to be up in the middle of the night for work.  I get ready for work while he takes the littles to school.  I have no time to write.  Well, that is not true.  I just don't make it a priority or time block for it anymore.

I'm doing ok.  I'm not dealing as much with food panic right now but I am still walking through the heavy mud of depression.  Some days have been dark.  Some days have been bearable.  Few days have been wonderful.  I'm trying hard to not isolate, though there is nothing in the world that sounds better right now.  Work has been a good distraction from focusing on me and my own pity party.

Today my father in law has surgery to remove the screen that they put in his lung to trap the blood clots.  I'm trying to trust the doctors when they say it is a very basic surgery with low risks.  It is hard to trust that when just a couple of months ago we thought we were going to lose the man I love so much.  He is a pillar of strength to me, to my husband, to our entire family and the mere thought of anything going not as planned makes my heart quiver with anxiety. 

Hey, if you have a moment, go visit Brittnie at A Joy Renewed.  She is doing a great series on life with an eating disorder and today my very dear friend Amy's story is posted.  My story, *gulp* will be posted tomorrow.  I know I'd appreciate some support from those of you who know me and love me because it seems scary to guest blog.  Why?  No idea, I already lay it all out here but for some reason it is different laying it all out on someone else's blog to friends I haven't met yet.

Love you guys, sorry I've been MIA, I'll try to be more intentional and not block y'all out!