My insurance agent made a mistake and didn't switch my bank account on my life insurance when we changed banks. He switched it for my car and home insurance, he didn't get the life insurance policy switched. It lapsed, I realized, I panicked. He told me reinstating it was easy, just fill out these forms.
I fill out said forms which ask questions about physical and mental health within the last 5 years. Well, you can't lie, that is insurance fraud, and I do have things on my medical record that weren't there when I first got my policy. Things like an eating disorder and a stay in the mental hospital. Things like suicidal ideations, Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety, and PTSD.
Apparently insurance doesn't like those things. They asked more questions. I answered them. Yesterday I received the letter stating that my request for policy reinstatement was denied. I have no life insurance anymore. I am not insurable anymore. And I lost my coverage all because of a clerical error.
I have a myriad of emotions about it. The first was anger. And let's be honest, I'm still pretty hot about it. I felt a little bit of overwhelm. And I also feel a bit like Marshall in the episode of How I Met Your Mother when he is imagining bears jumping out at him in NYC and attacking him. Ok, so that last one makes me laugh so at least when I feel the pit in my stomach growing I can switch gears and laugh for a moment.
One more thing that this eating disorder has taken from me, insurability. I don't know if I'm most angry at my agent for the error, at myself for not catching it sooner, or at Orange for stealing one more thing from me. I'm going to get better. I'm going to prove them wrong.
And now I need to take a deep breath, finish getting ready for work and take this day one step at a time. I will trust myself to my Creator, both physically and emotionally. He sees it all and He is here with me, even here, even without insurance.