my muse

When I started this blog there were a few things that I totally didn't count on.  I didn't count on some of it being so painful that I would have to constantly give myself back to the Father and be reminded that He is in control and He has a plan.  I didn't count on getting writers block and wondering where my muse went.  How could I possibly get writers block when I don't have to think of what to write about?  It is just a story that I lived and am now retelling, shouldn't need inspiration and a muse right?  WRONG!  So I've taken a break.  I'm ok, just tired and wondering why God has asked me to do this.  I'm not falling into the depths of depression, despair and not eating.  I'm just at a loss for words.  I never realized, even though I argued for months with God to not write this, that it would take such an emotional toll when I finally agreed to.  I think it's good though.  I know He is working in my life.  I know that things I thought were gone still need His divine healing touch.  I thought I knew how deep this was when I began, I didn't.  I thought I had it all figured out, I don't.  I thought I was just retelling a story, turns out parts of it are reliving as well as retelling.  It isn't nearly as matter of fact as I assumed it would be.  *sigh*  I guess nothing is as easy as one would like it to be and nothing worth having comes without work.  This has definitely been work!