child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Have you ever smoked and tried to stop?  Although every ounce of will power is telling you that you don't really want that cigarette, your body still tells you that you do.  Have you ever thought that drinking was killing you and you need to stop, but to stop means to sober up and to sober up means hangover and your body definitely doesn't want to deal with that?  If you have never faced addiction, it is impossible to understand fully my day today. 

My brain is saying, "Go get some breakfast."  My heart is saying, "Let's conquer this and be healthy."  My spirit is saying, "I want to glorify God with my body." But my body, well that's a different story.  My body is saying, "I like this feeling.  It feels good to me when my stomach feels a little bit of an ache for food.  I don't care if it is destructive, it feels good to me right now."  I have smoked and quit.  I have drank and quit.  And I am even more addicted to starving myself than I was to either of those things.  It is truly a battle of addiction and old habits are hard to break.  My body wants to keep feeling hungry.  My heart wants to be more than a conquerer. 

So today, I am thankful for God's grace.  I need His strength to do the next right thing.  I need to surrender my addiction to Him and allow Him to heal my body.  Today I am so grateful that He is bigger than my physical ailments and that He can carry me through.  I'm headed off to go make breakfast and do the next right thing with His help.  Someday doing the next right thing is going to get easier, right?

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