So I totally overreacted to something stupid. I made a big deal over what was meant as a joke. When he looked at me confused, wondering what could have possibly done to warrant my reaction, I started talking. I talked myself into a corner. And then I did it. I blurted out something I didn't even really realize was in my heart until the words tumbled out of my mouth.
I now feel like I overshared. I shared where my safe spot is. I told him what I dreamed of when I was a little girl and needed to escape my reality. I now want to rewind time and leave those words unsaid. I want to keep that spot only in my head. I want it back. I want it to be mine again not ours.
I feel vulnerable. I feel guarded. And I feel those things with the person in this life who loves me most of all, with the one person that I don't need to feel guarded with. And feeling those things makes me feel lonely also.
I want to crawl into my head and stay there. I don't want to be vulnerable. Even though this vulnerable is safe. I want to protect my heart but I'm trying to protect it from the wrong thing.