child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Monday, September 5, 2011


I've been looking at and contemplating my tattoo quite a bit over the past few days.  It started with a text from a friend telling me to find the song, "She's A Butterfly" by Martina McBride because my friend thinks of me when she hears it since I like butterflies so much.  I started thinking about why I like butterflies. 

The day is etched in my mind and is still crystal clear in my memory even though it is months old.  It was a hard day.  I was at a weekend intensive.  I stood and said words I didn't even know I felt until they came tumbling out of my mouth.  "Why wasn't I worth protecting?"  Many tears later I was in a better place.  My friend, an older man, told me I was beautiful and then kissed my cheek.  It was the first time in my life I ever believed I was beautiful.

The next day someone said that the transformation they had seen in me was like a butterfly.  That sealed it, I was the Butterfly for the rest of our follow up sessions.  Many people called me Butterfly Girl.  And my love of butterflies was born. 

I have a butterfly tattooed, permanently marked on my body.  It is there to remind me that what I went through may have been tough but it still produced beauty.  It is there to remind me that I am not who I was.  It is there to remind me of the One who carries these wings.

God bless the butterfly.  Give her the strength to fly.  Never let her wings touch the ground.

God help me to soar.  Give me the strength to fly.  Give me the strength to be beautiful.  Keep my wings from being stepped on, broken, and wounded.  

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