child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

my thorn

This morning in the car I got to thinking about "Paul's thorn".  If you aren't familiar with the thorn, here is the reference:

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 
2 Corinthians 12:7-8

I often wonder what Paul's thorn was.  What tormented his thoughts?  Did he struggle with depression?  With addiction?  With caring for his body?  What  was it that he begged God to take away from him? We don't know, it remained between Paul and God.  But the point is, the man who authored most of the New Testament STRUGGLED.  

I was thinking today about my depression.  I have asked God so many times to heal me from it.  I want to feel what I know to be true.  Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of having to go by what I know and not being able to feel it or enjoy it.  There is more to life than this, right??????  

As I pondered, I remembered the rest of the verse.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
 so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (vs 9)

And there it is.  His grace is enough for me.  His grace gives me strength in the midst of depression.  God may never take away this struggle.  This may be my thorn for the rest of my life.  But His grace still covers me.  His power is made perfect in my depression.  Maybe I would be a different person if God healed me.  Maybe I would forget that I need Him every moment of every day just to make it through.  Maybe I would try to rely on my own strength rather than His power.  Maybe this thorn in my flesh is what keeps me coming back to the throne of grace and keeps me dependent on Christ alone.

Today I will rely on the power of Christ.  I will accept His grace and I will boast that it is not my strength that will carry me through but rather the grace of God.

1 comment:

  1. this is beautiful, you have such amazing insight. i really needed this post today so i thank you for that (even though you didn't know just how much i needed this).