I planned on skipping lunch today. Yes, I am flat out admitting that I had every intention of having a low intake day. I have been once again fighting the voice in my head (or maybe indulging the voice in my head) that swears that I can both live and restrict. That voice is trying so hard to tell me that I can still be me, that I can still be a great mom, wife, friend and employee without the assistance of food.
Let's be honest for a moment, I know the voice is lying and yet I still feel the need to listen when it speaks. I still feel like I could be the different one, that my disease wouldn't steal from me. I still feel like if I could be down x pounds before my doctor's appointment that I would be "happy" with myself.
And then my work friend happens along on the days that I have no intention of eating and she just seems to KNOW. Once it was a friendly, "Hey, have you taken your lunch yet?" Last time it was the one I blogged about with a touch on my knee and a "You ok?" Today it was the offer of splitting the cost of Chipotle. How did she know? How did she know that today was the day that I needed to eat, that today was the day I had not one intention of indulging in lunch, that Chipotle was probably the only thing that could have tempted me?
I don't know, but I'm grateful that she brought me out of my head. I'm grateful that she gave me perspective enough to see the faultiness of the voice in my head. And I'm grateful that she went and got the food. God must have known that I needed someone here who could pull me out of my head once in a while. There is no other reason that I can think of that the only times she has mentioned food to me have been the days that I have really been struggling!