child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

being intentional and finding grace

With Hubby currently not working, it seems that in the morning when he takes the kids to school is the best time to blog.  I'm trying to be intentional.  Mostly, I am trying to show up for myself and to get over whatever this "hump" is.

Hubby mentioned to me a few nights ago that this month I've had food issues.  Then he corrected it to say that issues makes it sound like it is a problem again and he doesn't feel like it has gone so far as to say I'm in trouble.  We agreed to say that issues can mean struggles not problems.  He's right.  He is far too observant.  I have not been over the top.  I have not been intentionally indulging in my eating disorder. 

But I also haven't offered much grace to myself.  I didn't eat one of the cookies brought in yesterday for "Bosses Day" week (yes, we celebrate it all week long at my work.  I love my bosses so I don't mind celebrating them every day at 2pm, I just mind having a cookie.).  I haven't been taking seconds on dinner, even if I'm still hungry. 

Last week one of my bosses read a verse at staff prayer.  It has ministered to me over and over this entire week.  This is what I am trying to dwell on for today;

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. 
 He will take great delight in you,
 He will quiet you with His love,
 He will rejoice over you with singing." 
 Zephaniah 3:17

This is what I am meditating on.  I am resting in the knowledge that God takes great delight in me.  I am bringing my turmoil-filled heart to Him that he may quiet me with His love.  I am trying to feel rejoiced over.  And when the feelings don't come, I remember that I believe in spite of what I feel.

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