I must bake bread. My current emotional survival depends on rising dough, punching it down, kneading it and the smell of fresh baked bread filling my house! I have flour and yeast. I need the comfort that bread making brings. Not really sure why, but I do. Life has been going great and I have also felt the tug of depression. I can't even begin to figure it out. I'm on top of the world with tears hiding behind my eyes. I wonder once it is made if I will eat the bread or gift it away like I usually do. Maybe both?
I had a moment of progress. I was goofing around and made a sucked in face pose (how does one actually describe the face you make?????) and when I did my collar bone stuck out big time. I instantly longed for that body again and just as quickly as I longed for it I thought how much fun sex is with a healthy body. I actually ENJOY when my husband touches me now. I actually desire and look forward to his touch again. I can reach the peak of fulfillment again which I couldn't when I was sick.
When I was sick, I dreaded his amorous attentions. It hurt my bones to have his hands touching my body. It didn't feel good at all. It was a chore and made me understand why some refer to it as a wifely duty. So while I was wanting that body again, I didn't want the pain again. I really like sex and I really want to keep liking sex and I can't do that with an unhealthy body.
Does that realization mean that I don't ever struggle? No, unfortunately it doesn't take away the argument in my brain or the voices that demand that I be punished. But it does put one more thing in the pro-healthy body category to help fight those voices.
Happy weekend friends and here is a beautiful thought to end on....
No comments:
Post a Comment