I am not entirely crazy about my new therapist. She is not a Christian nor does she have much understanding of Christianity. In our first session she asked me if I follow a faith. I said yes and then proceeded to tell her that I do not believe we can control God with our obedience. If I give enough, go to every church function, pray hard enough and read my Bible every day, I don't believe that means that God is going to give me everything I ask for. *side note- I have said often that God is more concerned with our eternal soul than our temporal comfort. Needless to say, life won't always be comfortable here on earth. That doesn't take away from God's goodness. His goodness is shown in that He is constantly refining us and preparing us for the day when we with be in constant and complete companionship with him.* I told her if I can control God with my actions and obedience, then He is small enough to fit in my box and if He is small enough to fit in my box, He isn't big enough to be God. She looked at me and smiled and I felt like the "yes, dear" pat on the head.
Then last week, she gave me a great analogy. Imagine your favorite pair of jeans, the ones that the moment you put them on, they remember your curves and feel like the most comfortable jeans you have ever put on. One day you buy a new pair of jeans. No matter if you buy the same brand and size, no matter if you spend hundreds of dollars, the jeans need breaking in and are still a bit stiff and uncomfortable. Eventually as you wash the jeans several times and continue to wear them, they become your favorite jeans and you wouldn't trade them for anything. New habits are the same. At first they are uncomfortable but as you continue to "wear" them and "wash" them, over time they become your new favorite habits. I smiled and told her about my old youth pastor who used to say, right choices bring right feelings. Sounded pretty similar to me. If you continue to make right choices even when it doesn't feel like what you want to do, eventually you will feel like doing the right thing.
My therapist was defensive at this. She said she doesn't believe that there is only one right way and she would probably change the saying to "healthy choices bring healthy feelings". Well she may not believe in absolute rights and wrongs but how can you say that what I've done to my body is right?????? It seems so glaringly obvious that I am making WRONG choices right now!
I am grateful for the referrals from friends as I search for a new counselor, one who is a Christian! I need someone who will point me back to the loving arms of Christ. There is not healing to be found anywhere else. Healing is not within me, it's within Him and Him alone. So I've cancelled my appointment for this week and am following leads given to me from godly sources. I know that He will direct me to the person He has for me.