child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

reasons I choose recovery

I am still at the stage of re-recovery that I am often having to make a conscious decision to allow myself to recover.  Only someone who has been here can fully understand that comment.  The past couple of weeks have been difficult on the recovery front from a physical standpoint.  Mentally I am hanging in there, some rough days but handling them better than I would have even 2 months ago.  Physically though, I just don't feel like eating.  It just feels like so much work.

The scale numbers that had risen have dropped again.  I want to be motivated and I am so not motivated.  I'm tired.  My medicine cocktail helped at first and now I am back to exhausted all the time again.  I'm also back to being severely iron deficient and my thyroid is wacko again as well.  I know that plays a huge role in why I am exhausted.  I'm just tired of being tired.  I'm tired of being too tired to care whether I eat or not.

So tonight, I am making a specific choice to pursue recovery.  Tonight I am going to focus on reasons why I choose recovery!
hands that still need holding
mirror messages from my son

my boys, they need me and love me and the feelings are mutual :)

being able to enjoy and look forward to Ted Drew's next summer when we go back

being able to fully enjoy silly things like the water mark left by my coffee cup that I could never intentionally create!

1 comment:

  1. what a good list. yes, there is so very much, and so much that has not even revealed itself as something to be hoped for yet. your fight is full of love, Dawn.