child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Saturday, March 19, 2011


I guess I should do a quick update on my emotional and physical well being after losing a friend.  I'd be lying if I said I've done awesomely (I thought I was making that word up but spell check isn't correcting me! Who knew that awesomely was a real word?) since it happened, but I am ok.  I did skip dinner that night.  I was crying too hard to want to try to eat.  I nearly skipped breakfast the next morning.  I looked at the beautiful faces of my kids that morning and realized that I have some amazing reasons to keep getting better.  I let a friend know that I didn't want to eat breakfast and then, I ate it.  I did panic a little, but I was also able to talk myself down when I did.

I cried a LOT.  Every person who hugged me and asked if I was ok brought on a new wave of tears.  In discussing the situation with another close friend, and doing some analyzing, I realized some things.  I am not mourning the loss of a friend, I am mourning the loss of an ideal.  I am mourning that the friendship was not what I had thought it to be not the actuality of the friendship. As I realized that the friendship was going sour for quite some time and that it wasn't giving me mutual friendship, I am able to accept it a little easier.

I am so grateful for the amazing friends and support that I do have around me.  I am so grateful for the progress that I have indeed made.  I am so blessed to be loved by an amazing and supportive man who might be just a tad protective of me when it comes to people hurting my feelings :)  Thank you for being there for me!

And Holly, when a friend of mine asked me if she could make me a cup of tea, I smiled and said sure.  I laughed that this happened the day that I received your comment.  I drank it and thought of you sitting here with me trying to make it better.  The thought made me smile, thanks!

1 comment:

  1. Ah, that's perfect! Thanks, God...:)

    And I know what you mean about mourning the loss of the abstract friendship rather than the friendship itself. Makes much sense.