I guess I should do a quick update on my emotional and physical well being after losing a friend. I'd be lying if I said I've done awesomely (I thought I was making that word up but spell check isn't correcting me! Who knew that awesomely was a real word?) since it happened, but I am ok. I did skip dinner that night. I was crying too hard to want to try to eat. I nearly skipped breakfast the next morning. I looked at the beautiful faces of my kids that morning and realized that I have some amazing reasons to keep getting better. I let a friend know that I didn't want to eat breakfast and then, I ate it. I did panic a little, but I was also able to talk myself down when I did.
I cried a LOT. Every person who hugged me and asked if I was ok brought on a new wave of tears. In discussing the situation with another close friend, and doing some analyzing, I realized some things. I am not mourning the loss of a friend, I am mourning the loss of an ideal. I am mourning that the friendship was not what I had thought it to be not the actuality of the friendship. As I realized that the friendship was going sour for quite some time and that it wasn't giving me mutual friendship, I am able to accept it a little easier.
I am so grateful for the amazing friends and support that I do have around me. I am so grateful for the progress that I have indeed made. I am so blessed to be loved by an amazing and supportive man who might be just a tad protective of me when it comes to people hurting my feelings :) Thank you for being there for me!
And Holly, when a friend of mine asked me if she could make me a cup of tea, I smiled and said sure. I laughed that this happened the day that I received your comment. I drank it and thought of you sitting here with me trying to make it better. The thought made me smile, thanks!