child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

on the road again

I'm enjoying a glass of red wine and chilling out in front of the computer.  I'd like to be listening to only the sounds of my typing and the fan gently blowing but instead I'm listening to the sound of my kids kicking their walls and playing instead of sleeping.  Usually that pisses me off, tonight it just annoys me.  I know that someday I'm going to miss the days when they were supposed to be sleeping in the next room over. 

I gave a teaser in my last post so I thought I'd fill you all in.  Hubby is on the job hunt.  It is a little scary and exciting all at the same time.  The short version of the story is that the company he has worked for for nearly nine years is going in a different direction.  It has become clear to us that it is time to move on.  He is leaving on mutually good terms, he's not angry with the company and three of the managers are writing him letters of reference.

With the new direction the company is taking, Hubby can either change to change with the company and be miserable at his job or he can move on.  He and I and his managers agree that it is time to move on.  He gave his notice yesterday.  His last day will be September 12.  He's not being fired but he is being forced out. 

I almost feel like I should be mad but I'm not.  I'm ready.  For eight years he loved his job.  For this past year he has not enjoyed it at all and it has taken a toll on him physically and emotionally.  And when he has a toll taken, it naturally takes a toll on me as well. 

I'm excited to see him move on.  I'm terrified to see him move on.  I'm excited for a new season.  I'm scared that it may be a difficult transition.  I'm at peace because I know it is the right move for him and for us as a family.  I'm at peace because I believe God has His hand over us and that this is part of His plan.  I'm scared because I don't know what is next.

My fight is going well.  I still have the thoughts, the voices that beg me to go back.  Right now though I want this healthy(er) life more than I want that sick and disordered life.  Right now I can fight.  Right now I can lean into the arms of my Savior and trust He has me in His hands.  Right now though it is still a fight, it is a smaller battle.  For that I am so grateful.  I'm so glad that me eating isn't a worry on Hubby's plate while he looks for work.  I'm praying for continued strength for my journey.

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