child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Monday, February 21, 2011

NEDAW, raw emotions and exhaustion

This week is national eating disorder awareness week (NEDAW) which is an interesting time for me.  Hearing others stories is often healing, but sometimes it is triggering.  I can attest to that because it was during NEDAW last year that I realized how much anorexia had a hold on me.  I realized how much I looked to it as a coping skill and how much I used it to bring comfort or numbness to my pain.  Awareness, for me, was a bad thing last year.  This year, I can be more objective.  This year, I am enjoying the partial recovery that I have already achieved.  This year, being aware means seeing how far I have come in the last 12 months.

What exactly does being aware accomplish though?  Maybe for those on the outside of an eating disorder being aware could help someone to get treated sooner because those around her know what to look for and spend less time in denial.  But honestly, what do you look for?  Not everyone who is sick is emaciated.  Not everyone who comes near to death looks the part of an eating disorder.  Hearts stop and kidneys fail at "normal" weights too.  The balance of electrolytes can be deadly with not a soul realizing the extent of the disease.  Does being aware of eating disorders prevent them?  Probably not.  I was aware of eating disorders long before I dealt with my own.  Being aware, at least in my case, most certainly did not prevent or even discourage me from dealing with it.

Is NEDAW helpful or not so much?  What is your opinion?

I am four days into my new med and am finally starting to feel the rawness.  I am not sinking but I am aware of myself more.  I am aware of my raw emotions and my desire to isolate. I have not, however, had to deal with the anxiety that was predicted.  I have not had any of my anti anxiety medication in about a month.  Yay, for a good step!  I am completely physically drained as I adjust to the new medicine though.  I took two naps today and still am about to fall asleep at the computer!  Along those lines, I am going to sign off for the night and rest!  TTFN, ta ta for now.

1 comment:

  1. I also read that post from Carrie and thought she made good points. I think we need more awareness of recovery...what it looks like. I meant to do a post for NEDAW. Probably still will, just late. Heh.