Thursday I go into my doctors for my "results of findings" appointment, or in English, the appointment where we go over all the stuff from my physical. I am going to ask my doctor about getting back on anti-depressants. My family deserves to have me fully functional. I deserve to be fully functional. (though I say that, and kinda know it, I so don't feel it!)
Wow. Those words just made me realize something. I struggle with being on meds because though I want it to be true that I deserve to live a happy life, I don't really believe it in my heart of hearts. I don't feel deserving, it's hard to take action to correct the situation when you don't feel like you deserve the corrected results. BUT I do believe my family deserves the corrected results.
So I'm saying it here, simply because otherwise I might chicken out. If I know someone is going to ask me, I am less likely to lie my way through yet another appointment. I'm not really ok. I am struggling. And I know that stabilizing my emotions will also help stabilize my recovery. Feel free to ask me Thursday if I was honest with my doctor. I'll probably need the accountability.