Friday, December 3, 2010
Today I feel angry. I don't care if it isn't one of the primary emotions, it is a very powerful secondary emotion and I feel it! I guess I should start with saying that nothing new has happened to cause me to be angry. Today I want to throw a temper tantrum. Today I want to cuss. Today I want to isolate. I went to my dear friends house today for a half hour. It was a well spent half hour. This morning we both felt like crawling back under the covers and hiding. Sounds like a perfect time to get together. That was my attempt at not isolating. I thought I had a bunch of big stuff to deal with but have come to realize that I have more to deal with on how the big stuff was handled. I want to hit something. I want to yell. I want to scream. I got a letter from my former therapist saying that she was leaving the EDC to go back to inpatient, adolescent care. I even felt angry about that. I wanted to rip the letter up. I was angry with the way she had handled me. I was annoyed that I felt disrespected and minimized when I saw her. I was annoyed that when getting help was at a crucial point for me, she was who I found and she didn't help me at all. I'm annoyed that everyone is happy because though I want to have Christmas spirit, I am finding myself in a funk. I really want to be an enjoyable person. I really want to love Christmas as much as I know I do, I just am not feeling it at all today. I'm tired of working to get through it. I want to wave a magic wand and be better. Why does everything worthwhile take work and time? Today sucks, tomorrow will be better.
Posted by Dawn at 4:30 PM