child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Monday, June 6, 2011

I cry when I eat

each bite with effort swallowed
thick tears well up
only to be pushed back down
the pain of eating
the anger of my humanity
my stomach growls

i hate myself for wanting food
it feels like a betrayal
that my body still wants more
the bites may bring tears
but they must be bringing more
there must be more purpose
than what i can see
and my enemy is me
not the food i eat

if only's come so easily
what if's run amuck
my mind is trying
so desperately to see
today is a gift
tomorrow is a treasure
one that i want to be around
long enough to enjoy

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