child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Saturday, June 25, 2011

orange or not orange, that is the question

Overall, I am in a fairly good place right now.  Come on, today I bought new shirts AND I had a piece of cheesecake tonight with hubby.  To shop and eat in the same day is a good place :)   And somewhere in the back of my mind the orange voice talks again.  Getting healthy me is enjoying that I can enjoy life again.  Sure there are rough times but I can feel again, I can talk to my hubby again, I can play with my kids again, I can concentrate and read again.

And yet I hear that nagging little voice in the back of my head wondering how much weight I can lose before my physical next month.  Orange (aka anorexia) is telling me that she misses me.  Orange is wondering why I've not joined her for our summer rendezvous.  Orange thoughts are torturing my trying to be healthy brain.  Orange is trying to promise that it could be different.  Orange wants me to not have hips.  Orange despises that I have the pooch that all women have where our reproductive organs are.  Orange is fighting hard to be heard. 

I guess that means that I have to fight harder to not listen.


  1. Orange is a liar. Orange steals away our precious time and energy we could be spending with the people we love the most. Orange is manipulative and tricks us. Orange pretends to be our friend and our ally, but orange will turn on us in a second and ruin our lives. Orange needs us to be miserable so that it can continue to wreak havoc in our minds and bodies. Orange seems pretty and exciting and safe and comfortable - but YOU know that it's ugly and terrible and dangerous and painful. Keep fighting, and don't listen to that nasty Orange. You're better than Orange any day. I see you as a pretty lilac - calm and soothing and bright and cheerful and just beautiful :)

  2. Did you know that purple is my favorite color and lilacs are my absolute all time favorite flower? Thanks, Friend, I needed to hear that!

  3. I think using this "orange voice" idea could be very helpful for me. Wow.
    That being said, Orange Voice SUCKS.