child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Monday, June 6, 2011

my idol

I am annoyed and convicted about my quest for perfection.  Only one is perfect, God.  Only one man to walk the earth was perfect, Jesus, God incarnate.  Who do I think I am to think I deserve the status of perfect?

Another once wanted what only God had.  He was kicked out of heaven, out of the presence of the Almighty.  By any name he is still the same, Lucifer, Satan, the devil.  He thought he deserved a place that only God could have.

I am my own idol.  I desire what only God can have, perfection.  To be imperfect is to be human.  To hate my own humanity is to deny my creator.  To think that I could ever attain perfection is to say that I think that I am more important than God. 

My body is my idol.  My control is my idol.  I am my idol.  I put myself in a place that belongs to God alone, that is idolatry.  I think I can do it all on my own.  I can't.  I wasn't made to make it on my own.  I was made to need a Savior. 

If I could be perfect, why would I need God?  Why would I need redemption?  Why would I worship anything but myself?  I am not perfect.  I will never be perfect.  And the longer it takes me to accept that about myself, the longer I deny the power of God at work in me. 

Not even God expects me to be perfect.  If He did, He wouldn't have sent His Son.  He would have expected me to make it on my own without His grace and mercy.  God doesn't ask me to be perfect, He asks me to follow Him.  He asks me to trust Him, even when I can't see where He is taking me.  He asks to use my brokenness to allow Him to shine through the cracks. 

God doesn't want me to be perfect, He wants me to be human.  He wants His glory to shine through me, not my own accomplishments to shine. 

And yet I still war with the frailty and imperfection of my humanity......

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