child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Friday, July 8, 2011

blessing in disguise

Today was another of the long, no accountability, could easily not eat and no one would know, days at work.  I didn't plan on eating even though I had brought something small to eat.  When I got to work the gal I work with asked if I had brought my paperwork because the manager had asked her to FedEx it to him today.  CRAP, I left it setting on the dishwasher in my rush to get out the door on time!  No problem, I'll call hubby and have him bring it out to me.  Plus then I get to see my family for a few minutes and introduce my kids to my friend (she has only met my oldest and he was a baby then).

Well, when I called hubby, he was just getting ready to lay down for a nap.  He said he would bring it later in the afternoon.  I get barely any cell reception in the store but for some reason suddenly I was able to get a text.  It was Amy telling me that she was eating lunch because I had texted her this morning and that turned her day around.  (By the way, great job, Lady!  I am so proud of you!)  I was starting to feel a little guilty that I had told her to take care of herself but didn't really want to return the favor to myself.  She listened to me, and I was worried about listening to me.  I felt like a total hypocrite.

Well time kept passing and wouldn't you know it, hubby and the kids didn't arrive till 4:30.  Middle kiddo asks, "Mommy, do you get breaks when you work here?"  Yep, I sure do.  Would you like me to take my break now while you guys are here?  YES! Well, I happen to work right next door to Tokyo Joe's.  My hubby told me, "I know we can't do this every time, but do you want Tokyo's tonight?  I'm buying."  So I ate after all.  I forgot my signed employee conduct agreement and tax forms at home and in forgetting, I remembered something much more important, to take care of me tonight.

I'm going to get this.  I know I will.  And from here on out my days are 4-8:30 instead of 12-8:30 so that will help.  Going in at 12 is hard.  I can't eat lunch by 11 to leave at 11:30 so I skip lunch.  If I skip a meal at work also then I've essentially missed dinner too.  I loved seeing my boys tonight.  It reminded me of why I want to get better, of why I need to keep fighting, of all of the good things in my life.  Today my forgetfulness was a blessing in disguise and a much needed dose of perspective.

On a slightly different note I received the perfect answer to my orange comment today. 
Starbucks is either going to make me fat or kill me.  I don't know which is worse.
To which the response was, "I'd rather have you fat than dead."
Thanks for that, not only did it help me to identify the stinkin thinkin, it also made me laugh.  It is true that laughter is the best medicine!

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