child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

new job

Today was my first day at my new job.  It went amazingly perfect.  For accountability, I have to say that if I am not careful, this job could easily enable my e.d.  Today I took a break but spent it talking to my co-worker/friend instead of eating my lunch.  It was easy to do.  It would be easy to continue.  For those of you who just worried about me from that comment, my hubby had made dinner for him and the kids tonight and he made me a plate as well.  When I got home he even heated it up for me.  He's wonderful and I felt taken care of.

I really enjoy the job.  It was pretty easy to pick up on what I needed to do.  It seemed like everything came back to me intuitively and I was much more at ease than I thought I would be.  And I remembered all over again why I love working with that girl.  She is amazing.

I just need to be mindful of the fact that it could be very easy to "forget" to eat.  I need to make sure that I remain intentional about recovery even at work (maybe especially at work would be a better statement).  Sometimes recovery sucks.  Sometimes being mindful of snares sucks.  Sometimes being intentional to pursue healing not disease sucks.  Sometimes wanting it bad enough to write about it so that you have accountability sucks worst of all!

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're enjoying your job so much! I know it means a lot to you to be working and helping provide for your family even more than you already do :)

    It's so easy to become "forgetful" when no one is paying attention or asking any questions. It's good that you can recognize your tendency to get caught up in that and take advantage of the situation. It definitely makes it hard to make those appropriate decisions when you have no accountability, so I think it's huge that you're already expressing your concerns for yourself.

    You know what you've gotta do, and you also know how easy it'd be to not do it. Challenge yourself, and keep reminding yourself what you told me the other night :) Fight it, sista!!