child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Friday, January 7, 2011

does the dog ever catch his tail?

Carol gave me a book to read about a month ago.  I had to put it down over Christmas because it was stirring up too many emotions and I needed to be able to make it through Christmas in one piece.  I've started reading it again.  The first half of the book is identifying different control issues, people's power over your life through what they did.  The second half of the book is as the author states, "our focus will shift from what [they] did to you to what you can do for yourself to lessen their power over your life."  The author is also clear that these steps are to be done in conjunction with professional help if you have experienced deep trauma as I have.  Here is the disclaimer that she gives though.....

"If you abuse drugs or alcohol to deaden your feelings, you must deal with your compulsion before attempting the work in this book.  There's no way to gain control of your life if you are being controlled by an addiction.  For that reason, I insist that any of my clients who are substance abusers also join a program such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.  The work in this book should be undertaken only after a minimum of six months of sobriety.  Your emotions are extremely raw in the beginning phase of recovery, and there is always the danger that uncovering and exploring painful childhood experiences during this time may cause you to slip back into substance abuse."

I am not sure about my personal sobriety.  I am acting out right now, not with chemical dependence but still in a way that per recovery terms does not constitute sobriety.  I already have a lot of raw emotions coming through.  I am already not handling them well as it is.  Do I keep reading the book because I have great support around me and am in professional counseling?  Or do I work on getting "sober" first?  Or is it like a dog chasing its tail that they both just circle each other over and over again?

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