child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


The only people of my extended family that I actually like and would go out of my way to see are passing through Denver today.  My cousin and his fiance were supposed to land an hour before my aunt and uncle so  the kids and I were going to go to the airport, hang out with them until the other flight landed and then get to see T and his lovely bride to be (who I still haven't met bc they live in NY) AND get to see my aunt and uncle.  I was so excited.  I was even going to let my son leave school an hour early to go.  Then I got a text message this morning, their flight was delayed 2 hrs and they are trying to get a flight through Chicago, but coffee while waiting was going to be a no go. 

My aunt and uncle own a condo in the mountains and that is where they are all heading to.  I thought if I could scrape together gas money for the 2 hr drive, I could take the kids up Saturday to see everyone.  I finally had the brilliant idea that I could rob my piggy bank of its contents, even though it is being saved for something specific, and thus put gas in my car and make the trip.  Problem solved.

WRONG!   Hubby pointed out that my tires are close to bald and he doesn't want us driving that far on them.  His car has some mechanical issues that we haven't had the money to fix yet so his car is not an option for a long drive either.  I am so annoyed.  My aunt and uncle are moving from their 10-hr-drive- from-us-home in Kansas to Tennessee next month.  My cousin lives in NY and I haven't seen him since my oldest was a baby (that's 8 years if you are wondering!).  My other cousin just got married last year and I still haven't met his bride and they will be in the mountains also.  I am missing out on seeing the only part of my extended family that I enjoy all because of stupid bald tires and no money to fix the problem!

That on top of the constant dialog going through my brain since yesterday about food, is not helping me.  My brain is telling me that my breakfast is making me fat.  It's gotten to be a rather heated argument between me and myself actually.  I'm frustrated with myself, I'm hungry, it's that time of the month and I can't see my family.  I'm feeling sorry for myself and I don't care.  I'll get over myself later, right now I'm going to wallow.

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