child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Sunday, May 22, 2011

weight jokes

A friend on Facebook mentioned that she was reading a memoir about anorexia and bulimia, while eating popcorn.  The comments that ensued were all jokes about e.d.  Comments like, "well as long as you don't throw up, you're ok " and several others.  I got defensive.  None of these people knew that the first person to leave a comment asked about the book because she is recovering from e.d.  They don't know me from Adam and yet I felt every word they said as an individual and specific attack.  Why is joking about eating disorders ok?  Why is it funny?  Why do I care what people I have never met think about eating disorders?

A friend of hubby's told me to ask hubby about a definition on Urban Dictionary that they had stumbled across.  I tried to smile when hubby told me but I don't know if I was convincing*. It was a comment about a woman's stomach.  I wanted to cry.  What if someone ever referred to me at that particular thing?  I would be devastated!  And though the reality is that term doesn't apply to me, I often feel like it does so it is still a hurtful comment.

Why is it ok to call people fat?  Why is it ok to laugh about weight whether over or under?  Why does the world care about those damn numbers?  Why do I care about those damn numbers?  I know beauty isn't on the scale.  I know that.  Why is is so hard to feel it?

The most beautiful people I have met, don't need a scale to be beautiful.  I have seen amazing beauty in people tall and short and every degree of weight, every hairstyle, every style of clothing.  Beauty is within them and is not accentuated by make up or nice clothes, and is not detracted from them by sweat pants and pony tails.  So why is beauty so subjective?  Why do the comments matter if the beauty isn't on the outside?   Why can't we just all be free to be the beauty that we actually are?

* To be fair, hubby was sensitive to me about it when I faked my laugh.  I just wonder if J realized my laugh was fake and I was annoyed.

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