child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Thursday, June 14, 2012



I can't decide if I despise crowds or kinda like them.  I love that it is easy to get lost in a crowd.  No one is noticing me.  I can be invisible.  I can be no one.

I also despise crowds.  I hate feeling claustrophobic in a throng of people.  I am a little afraid of crowds.  Actually, I am afraid of new situations but especially when those situations involve a lot of people.

Last summer I had the privilege of being in the "pit" at two different concerts.  I'm not going to lie it was terrifyingly awesome.  I was afraid at first that I would get crushed.  But I also felt a rush like I've never felt before. I stood up for myself.  I pushed the drunk guy who kept standing on my foot.  I even told him after the concert, when he tried to make small talk with me and my friend that I didn't enjoy being near him during the concert because he was rude.  Whaaaaaat?  I said that to someone?

I still am not entirely sure how I feel about crowds, but I'm not as petrified of them as I used to be.  Now I find myself people watching when in a crowd.  I think I am more amazed than afraid now because I see that there are a lot of people, who are just like I used to be, a lot of people who are hurt and angry.  There are a lot of people who want to be invisible and try to do so by getting lost in a crowd.

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