child of God, wife, mother, recovering anorexic who longs to see the beauty in herself that she sees in the world around her

Saturday, June 30, 2012


I think until the day I die, I will be learning to forgive.  I often have to forgive myself.  I have to forgive myself for abusing my body.  I can't think I'm worthy of recovery if I don't work on forgiveness first.  I feel so guilty.  Sometimes that guilt is misplaced, but it is nearly always there.  As long as I feel guilty, I also feel like I deserve to be punished.  As long as I feel like I deserve to be punished, I cannot feel like I deserve to be cared for.  It is a ridiculous and vicious cycle.

There is also a lot of forgiving others in my life.  If you have read any of my blog, you know that already though.  I have a lot to forgive.  And it is a daily process.  Some days it comes easier than others.

What's the saying?  Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head.  It isn't always easy to evict them though and it is even harder when the grudge you hold is against yourself.

1 comment:

  1. I like that quote you used about holding a grudge. Reminds me of another quote - something about resentment being drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness can be so freaking tough, but without it? Don't want to think about that one!